Is this really happening?

It has just occured to me that I leave in exactly 1 month. This is getting real, and I love it. All I can think is, "Finally!" I have thought about my departure for so long. I have been out of college for a year now, but it seems like 3. Even though I have absolutely loved living with the Silber's this past year, I have also had a nagging thought in the back of my mind, wondering when I would get to start the rest of my life. Graduating from college had been an exciting life change, especially after my trip to Italywith Megan. But soon after, the excitement dulled down and became life without a future in sight. That scared me, and pushed me to focus on the Peace Corps process. I have been driven to do this, and have not been able to visualize my life without it. I feel like I have been slowly moving away from being dependent on people... especially my friends. I don't talk to anyone everyday.. I don't have a constant in my life. But for now, thats a good thing, because I won't miss that constant once I'm gone. I am actually surprised at how much I have adapted to this, since I used to be so attached to people and needy of others to make me feel happy. Now, I could go without seeing people, and not even be phased. I am completely ready to move on with my life right now. I was so scared that I would be stuck in a place where I couldn't see change or improvement.. and I have finally moved on from this. I can see where my future is headed, and it feels great. Its amazing how suffocatingly scary it is to not be progressing in my life. I know that I will never be able to settle in my life, its just not for me. I want to travel the world, and constantly improve myself. I think that my obsession with this goal has allowed me to actually be successful with it. Dream it, in order to be it? I guess I see some validity in that statement now. If I had doubted my abilities or desire to do this at all, I probably wouldn't have accomplished it. Its good to dream.. but even greater when they come true. A lot of people ask me why I want to do this, but I know that if they even have to ask that question, it will be hard for them to understand my reasonings. Its a difference in the way we see life. I want to live my life constantly progressing... learning as much as possible, experiencing as many culutures as possible, seeing as many places in the world as possible, meeting as many people as possible, being exposed to as many ways of living as possible. All of this is surpassed only by my belief that I need to give as much of myself as physically and mentallly possible to help others. Thats how I see life. Thats how I see my role in this world. Its hard for me to understand any other way to live.. but then again, its hard for others to understand the way I want to live. I have come to realize that I will surround myself with those who believe in my way to live life, and it makes sense. Having the same outlook of life creates a deep connection between people. Its just so easier when someone can truly understand you.

Anyways, my obsession with the travel channel can now end. I can stop living vicarilously through other peoples adventures, and start living my own. It's time. Take a deep breath. Here comes an experience of a lifetime.. with hopefully more to follow.